Many couples enjoy fantasizing about having sex with other people, more and more of these people are deciding to make these fantasies become a reality, which is great news for the people already in the scene, as we always enjoy having new people come and join us. There are of course pitfalls and there are several things you should consider before you come and join in the fun.
Don't push or pull your partner into the scene.
Talk about your fantasies in the cold light of day, if you both want to make them become a reality, then start making contact with people. If either one of you is not ready, STOP.
Dragging a reluctant partner to meet another couple, or taking them to a party is not going to make them change their minds. There is a very high risk that it will lead to the end of your relationship with each other.
Decide what your boundaries are.
Don't go along to your first meeting or party without making sure you have agreed on what you are happy doing, what you are happy for your partner to do, and what area's are no go zones.
For example, maybe you agree that on your first meeting you will be happy for both of you to get involved in everything except full intercourse, as long as you both know what the boundaries are, and you have told the people you are meeting what they are you will have no problems as long as you stick to them.
When you get home that night, talk about the experience, be it good or bad, make sure you were both OK with it, and that you both want to move forward, or you want to stop.
If you are happy and want to move forward, decide what changes, if any, you want to make to the rules under which you both play. Never step outside your boundaries without agreement, don't try to modify the boundaries on the evening, always start the evening knowing exactly what is and is not allowed.
I have seen people get divorced because they did not keep to their agreements.
Never fall in love!
Swinging is about having fun with other people. Most of these people are in happy relationships and are looking for sex, not love. Declaring your love for someone is going to complicate the issues, and put strains on everyone's relationships, you could even destroy the other persons marriage.
If you are looking for love check one of the many lonely hearts sites.
Decide on which fantasy you want to fulfil first - meet a couple, meet a single guy, meet a single girl or go to a party.
Each of the above has a different degree of difficulty, I will now list them in ease of arranging
Meeting a single guy.
This is by far the easiest meeting for a couple to arrange. There are a huge number of single guys who are happy to be in a three some situation. There are several ways to meet a single guy, the most reliable are to browse the men seeking couples ads, or to place your own ad. If you place an ad make sure you explain the type of person you are looking for, your boundaries, where you are, where you can travel, if you want to meet at their location, your location or a neutral place.
Couples placing an ad to meet a single guy on a reputable swingers site can expect up to 400 responses a day! of course most of these will be people who do not meet what you are looking for. You will need to put aside time to respond to the emails, even if just to say sorry, no thanks.
Going to a party or a swingers club
There are many parties held every weekend in most large towns and cities, swingers clubs are often open 6 or 7 nights a week.
Before you go to a party or to a club, read all the information you can about the event to ensure that they cater for new comers, or for your tastes. Some venues have different kinds of parties on different nights, so make sure you are aware of the type of party you will be going to.
- Couples only - pretty self explanatory, there will only be other couples at the party. (many "couples only" parties also allow single ladies to attend)
- Couples and singles - usually a few couples and many single guys, occasionally a few single girls.
- Greedy girls - up to about 6 girls and as many as 75 men.
- Spa's - much like greedy girls parties, though most have a couples only area where you can get some respite.
Party and club etiquette is that if you say "No" to someone they must leave you alone. If they do not, complain to the management.
Meeting a couple.
This option is almost as easy, but you now have 4 people, all of whom will have to be happy with the other pair, be patient and look for people you are both happy with. Expect some knock backs, just because you fancy a couple, and each other, it does not follow that the couple will fancy both of you!
After you have made contact via email, and it looks as though the four of you may have enough in common to meet. Arrange to talk on the phone. This is an important step, as you will need to weed out single guys pretending to be couples and husbands (and occasionally wives) who are trying to pull their partner along by making arrangements. When you make the arrangement use a mobile number, or you could end up with unwanted calls to your home number. You must make sure that all 4 of you talk, do not accept excuses that the partner is late home from work, putting the kids to bed, nursing a dying mother or shagging the local football team, if you cannot talk to them, they probably do not exist, or are not aware of the situation.
Meeting a single girl
By far the most difficult to achieve. There are many single girls in the scene, but as they are more fussy than single males, they tend to be more elusive and exclusive. Many are in long tem friendships with couples. It is not uncommon for couples to search for years without finding a single girl to join them.
You and your partner both find each other attractive, but not everyone else will, single girls will be more choosy and will need to find both of you attractive.
Whoever you are going to meet remember that although its scary, the other people will be as nervous as you. Don't get drunk or drugged up. No once fancies people who are not in control of their faculties. A drink to steady the nerves is OK, bouncing off the walls and throwing up is not going to impress anyone.